I'm Actually Doing This/Hitting Rock Bottom

Hey friends!

I know it's been a long time since I've checked in, but I wanted to take some time to update you all on what is going on in my life right now. Before I start writing, I just want you all to know that writing this post is really difficult because it's causing me to process and reflect on everything that's happened within the past month or so.

There have been so many moments when I've been so frustrated I just wanted to walk out of school, pack up all my things, and make the 17 hour drive back home, never looking back. The first few weeks are always the hardest, but there's this fear inside of me that says it will never get better and I will always wake up with my stomach in knots. I know I need to get over this fear because it's debilitating and it doesn't allow me to be as effective as I need to be.

Something I've been learning is that instead of focusing on everything that is wrong, I need to start approaching problems with "I need to get better at X as fast as possible." Whether that is lesson planning, classroom management, grading, what have you, the important thing is to understand and accept that yes, I am not perfect, but instead of focusing on that, I need to focus on getting better at X as fast as possible.

That's been really difficult. I tend to get stuck when I'm thinking of areas I need to improve and rather than thinking how I can get better, I just sit and stew in my misery.

I know I need to go back to the reasons why I am doing this, and I'm wondering if the saying is true; that you need to hit rock bottom before you can actually start climbing back up out of the abyss. Every day I think about how miserable I am, but in the greater scope of reality, I am fortune and blessed, two things I take for granted. I wonder if that means I'm starting my journey back up from the bottom.

Maybe.

Thanks for all of you who have been praying for me on a daily basis. It gets me through the day and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

"You Look Like You're 15"

Hey all!!

I know it's been a while, but I just wanted to drop a quick hello and update on what's been going on in my life! But first of all, happy 1st birthday to my sweet little niece!!!! Her birthday was a few days ago, but I just had to share this adorable picture! Isn't she a doll?? I love her so much and I can't wait to squeeze her again!!!

Adjusting to New Orleans is getting progressively easier, and I am now happy to announce that I no longer need a GPS to get to school every morning, I know, that's huge! That being said, it's pretty much a straight shot from my house and I should've got rid of the training wheels sooner, but better late than never, right?

Professional development is going well! There are plenty of long days and then long evenings where I pretty much work all the time, but I'm really enjoying it a lot. Even though it's kind of frightening to think that I'll be in front of real live students in 2 weeks, it's also super invigorating and exciting. Day 1 is going to be wonderful and scary at the same time--hopefully I'll be able to post so that you can all know how it went!

My music room! It needs a little help haha :) 

I wanted to share a funny moment that happened yesterday at school. It's funny because I feel like it's going to happen a lot, especially since I'm teaching high schoolers!

The context was a parent was looking for our team room and I was in the area and offered to help her. The conversation went a little like this:

"You're looking for building 8?" I asked as I fell into step beside her.

"Yes, the team room I believe?" she responds, smiling. "It's so nice they have students assisting on campus during the summer. I'm sure that comes in handy during new student visits."

"Yeah, it's sweet of them to use some of their summer to help paint classrooms or do odds and ends around campus," I said, returning the smile. 

"Are you going to be a sophomore or junior?" she asks me. It then struck me that she was implying I was the student assisting on campus. 

"Oh, neither," I said, "I'm actually the music and life skills teacher."

"What???" She looked visibly confused and then goes, "You look like you're 15!" 

I don't remember what I said, it was probably along the lines of "oh, I get that a lot," and even though she had no hurtful intentions, part of me is concerned about my appearance, particularly my stature. For those of you who may be reading and don't know me as well as others, I'm really short.

In fact, when I was struggling to get hired at the beginning of the summer, many principals had the same thing to say about me, "She has a great heart, a ton of enthusiasm, and will be a great teacher, but she looks too young to be teaching secondary students." That's why they wouldn't hire me.

I've always had issues with my size, (don't even get me started on how difficult it is to buy pants), but I don't think it's something that should slow me down or prevent me from being the best I can be. Being fun sized is something I've always enjoyed because it sets me apart from others, but lately it's felt like more of a hindrance than anything else.

Any advice?

I'm Alive, I Promise!

And I'm FINALLY a resident of the beautiful, wacky, slow as molasses, interesting, creepy, crazy, colorful city of New Orleans, Louisiana! So if you are ever in the area, hit me up! My hardwood floor is actually pretty comfortable (more on that later). 

Prepare to be overloaded by pictures AND text. Two of my favorite things :)

GUYS.

I have a house, well half of a house, and I have my own room and my own bed and here’s another big one, my very own credit card. 

This is my room, ignore the mess :) If anyone has
decorating ideas, I would LOVE to hear them!
I really need help with that, I'm not good with
decorating at ALL.  Please and thank you! 

I KNOW.  BIGGG changes.

I started my trip down to LA on July 4, after spending only 8 hours at home, and most of those hours were spent cramming enormous objects into my Honda Civic. A came along with me (mainly because I told him he had to drive) and he was a huge help at organizing things and getting everything to fit!  He was FANTASTIC at this since he worked for a moving company in the past, so it was a huge blessing to not have to worry about how things fit!

A and I bid farewell to my family and then headed down the highway to begin our 17 hour drive. We passed through Maryland, West Virginia (I think?), and then into Virginia where we stopped for the evening in Roanoke.

As we were planning out our routes, it suddenly occurred to me that we still had another 12-13 hours to go, and if any of you are like me, you absolutely HATE super, ridiculously long car rides. It’s not because I don’t like spending time with people, but it’s because I get insane bursts of motion sickness. I hadn’t experienced that on the trip so far, but I was a little concerned I might later in the trip.

The next morning we woke up, packed all our things and headed on the road again, but only after stopping for breakfast at a Waffle House, which are all over the south! I won’t bore you with the details of the rest of the ride, except that we passed through several states, Tennessee never ends (and neither does Alabama or Mississippi for that matter), trees seem to line every major highway in the south, gas stations are not open 24 hours a day, and my little car ROCKED gas mileage.

Shout out to this guy for being a champ!

A and I had some really great conversations, some tense moments, he saw me drool a ton all over my seat, then pillow, then his arm, and never once did he complain about driving. Shout out for being awesome, A!

Once we reached New Orleans, it was around midnight central time and the real fun began. I remember the moment we pulled up to my new house and the excitement and nervousness that was flowing throughout the entirety of my body. This is it. This city is where I am spending the next 2 years of my life.  How crazy is that?

My new home! We have the whole first floor!

I fumbled around with the old lock for a moment and finally the door opened and I was greeted with a large, very empty, very dark hallway. My roommate H, was with one of our other TFA friends at the store and wouldn’t be back for a little, so A and I wandered around the house, looking in at all the bedrooms, the kitchen, the bathrooms, the living room. It was all so surreal, and also empty since we didn’t have any furniture.

That evening, we slept on the hardwood floor, which wasn’t terrible, but also not the greatest thing in the world either. 

My door! It's blue like the house :) 

The next morning, Sunday, A and I decided to be productive and go on the lookout for furniture, since I had absolutely nothing except a large pile of clothing to sleep on. We scouted around the city and found some luck in buying a bed for my room (which we strapped to the roof of my Civic and then drove very carefully back to my house, going well below the speed limit. I wish I had a picture of this because it was pretty funny/frightening, but alas I do not. 

Through a very fortunate turn of events, my CMA from Institute (shout out for being the best CMA EVER, you know who you are), posted on Facebook that she was getting rid of some furniture since she was making the move back to her home state. Heart pounding, I was so worried someone had already claimed the precious cargo, so as I texted her asking if it was still available, I didn't get overly excited since I knew a lot of TFA people were looking for furniture. Lo and behold! She said the furniture was still there, so A and I quickly went over to her house and A went to work. What happened next can only be shown in pictures. 

What A fit in my Civic:

1. A bookshelf

2. A desk (strapped to the roof)

3. A very large entertainment center

4. A full sized lamp

5. A large paper organization tray

6. A normal sized jewelry box

7. Me 

8. Him. 

I have never EVER seen anything like this before and the whole time, I kept saying, "A, are you sure all this is going to fit? Maybe we should make 2 trips?" 

Every time his response was, "Why make two trips when you can make one? I got this." 

I know it may seem like I'm making a big deal out of this, but in the moment, and even looking back on it, it was absolutely insane. That's just how A operates though.  

Anyway, Monday started my professional development at my wonderful school and I got to meet some of the people I will be working closely with for the next 2 years!!! AND I got a school shirt, which I'm super excited to show off because it's boss, and also because I'm super excited to start school, which is something I never thought I would say! 

I am so excited to meet the class of 2018!!!  I know this year is going to be filled with the good, bad, funny, and downright ugly, but I am so excited to dive right in and see what happens. So here's to going above and beyond for the next generation! 

As always, love you all, thanks for the inspiration and awesome! <3 <3 Much love. 

Being Honest, Being Real- The Importance of Literacy

Right now I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport waiting for my flight back to Philadelphia. It's crazy to think about how much time has gone by and even though it's only been 5 weeks it feels like it's been about 5 years or so.

I titled this post "being honest, being real," because I think it's okay for me to just lay out everything that's gone down the past few weeks in a way that is raw and real. I know those of you who take the time to read this love me and aren't going to judge me for what I have to say. Also, I've started to realize the way I reflect best is through writing (trust me, TFA makes you get in touch with your feelings whether you want to or not...)

First of all, I'm going to preface this by saying I feel frustrated. 

Throughout my time at Institute, I've been trying to be good with managing my time, but since that has never been one of my strong points, I've found myself getting behind on things and then struggling to keep my head above water. I've also been frustrated because I haven't been able to be as good of a girlfriend as I should be, and that's been evident in the way conversations between A and I unfold. It's so strange because I've always had some feeling that I am remotely in control of what's going on. Not entirely, but I've always at least had a sense of what my next action should be and these past 5 weeks have thrown me in all sorts of directions.

Frustration has also come from the feeling that I've failed my students.

Before you stop and send me something encouraging via FB message or text or email, let me just say that I know I didn't fail them. I did the best I could this summer and I've seen a ton of growth in some of them (can I get a whoop whoop for seeing 170+% growth in one of my kids???)

The fact of the matter though is that only SOME of my students reached this...not ALL of them. And that's what I was really pushing for. I wanted to see these students grow and learn the value of education, but that just didn't happen, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that some of them will never feel the way I do about their education or its importance.

This summer I was teaching a rising senior with a first grade reading level. This student could comprehend some of what we were reading but he could not formulate a sentence, write, spell, or read for himself.

He was a rising SENIOR. In high school.

I remember calling A on the phone and crying to him about the situation and asking him quite passionately, "who the HELL has been responsible for this child the past 17 years?"

That's a question I still can't answer and it's one that haunts me now. I worked with him one on one a few times and thought we were making progress until he just stopped showing up. I later found out that my student dropped out and will become one of the statistics of students who are illiterate dropping out of high school.

I guess what I'm getting at in this post is that LITERACY MATTERS, PEOPLE. I cannot stress that enough and I feel like this whole experience has made me so aware of this! Literacy is the foundation on which all skills are built and if students don't have a working concept of how to read or write, they will forever live their lives being BEHIND. And not just somewhat behind, they will be detrimentally, disablingly behind.

Institute ended yesterday and as weird as this sounds, I wish it would have lasted longer. I think about my kids who have seen incredible growth and who have a renewed passion and urgency for learning and I think about the ways in which I could have better shaped my few stragglers.

I'm not here to save them though. I'm just here to teach them. I'm not here to save them, but I'm here to show them a door that may have been hidden for a long time, and I'm here to cheer them on as they choose whichever door they want to go through! That was a lame metaphor, but it's one that someone mentioned to me before and has stuck with me this whole time.

With that being said, I'm New Orleans bound tomorrow and then PD at my school starts Monday, so the real adventure will be beginning soon.

Here's a great quote I found about literacy too :) All of us can be literacy teachers too, by the way! It doesn't matter if you are a college student, graduate, parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, it doesn't matter. We can ALL be literacy teachers.

I'm Bad at Keeping Up With This/Institute Weeks 2 and 3

Hey everyone!

So I know it's been quite a while since I've said anything and honestly, I feel like it's been an eternity since I was last in New Orleans, and even longer since I've been in Pennsylvania. Needless to say, quite a LOT has happened since I first arrived at my school site in Atlanta a few Mondays ago.

Institute has gotten more tolerable! I think it's because I've gotten used to the routine of waking up every day at 4:45-4:50 am and being busy until 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm putting in close to 16 hour days, but I think it's safe to say that this experience is shaping me for the better.

Week 2 was our first week of teaching, and it was a BLAST. My kids are amazing and I love them all dearly. They have such different personalities, but it's really crazy how attached to them I've become even though it's only been a few weeks.  Probably my favorite part of the day is when I am doing cafeteria duty in the morning and some of my kids greet me with tired "good mornings."

My kids are superstars though.  My district can't afford transportation for the students this summer, so every child has to provide their own transportation to and from school and some of the students walk 4 to 5 miles every morning to school and then 4 to 5 miles back home again. That's around 1-1.5 hours of walking one way.

My collab and I have a pretty amazing group of kids though. They are smart, sassy, and test us in so many ways, but these kids are also helping us and forcing us to grow as teachers and as adults. It's funny because my kids consume so much of my life. I have them in class for 2 hours and 15 minutes and then I spend the rest of my time I'm not with them thinking about them or talking about them to any and every body!

Friday, during our end of the week school celebration, we were shown a video which was comprised of pictures of some of our students and quotes they said about us as teachers. When I saw my name at the top of the slide and a picture of one of my students, my heart jumped a little, partly out of nerves as to what he said, and partly because when I read what he had to say about me, I was taken aback. This week was not good for me confidence-wise, you can ask A about that, he's been dealing with each of my mood swings.

Anyway, my student said, "Ms. Fairchild is an extraordinary and amazing teacher and she really cares about us. You can tell she's really excited to be teaching."

When I read that I definitely teared up and it lit a newfound fire in my soul, which will be something I carry with me into next week when I'm feeling down or worn out. I'm doing it for the kids, not for myself.

The past few weeks have been a lot of different emotions, but at the end of every day, I try to remember to stay positive and approach each day with a new smile and a new outlook.

The campus of Georgia Tech

Sorry for the short post! I think it accurately sums up everything that's been going on though! But here are some pictures to switch up the monotony of straight narrative.

PS. You might want to scroll through the pictures to get some really special news :)

Because every student should be a Nittany Lion!

Good morning, Atlanta!

Literacy matters, but for real. 

The rules of our classroom

This skyline is amazing at night.

Thank you all so much for the prayers, encouraging Facebook messages, phone calls, text messages, and what not! I've definitely been feeling the presence of those who love and support me and guess what?


I WAS HIRED. 

I'm going to be teaching MUSIC and Special Education at a high school in New Orleans who took a chance on me. God is so good.

So it's real. And it's happening. And I'm so excited.

Institution- Week One

*This is part one of a two part series on Week One of Institution*

So, I started this blog with the best intentions. I had this really awesome vision of being able to update every other day so those of you reading would have an idea of what is going on in my life.

Um....I could not have been MORE wrong.

Before I get started, I just want to take a second to sincerely thank every teacher I've ever had. I seriously did not appreciate you enough. The amount of work you need to do to prepare for lessons, the tiresome hours of grading (I will never again complain about how long it takes for an assessment to be graded), the planning, managing, and crafting of academic and personal growth goals for students... It's a lot, and that in itself is a huge understatement.

I'm learning in 5 weeks (one of the controversies surrounding TFA) everything that you've learned through years of experience in both undergraduate, graduate, and professional experience, and never in my life have I felt more overwhelmed or lost...and it's only the end of week 1, haha!

That being said, if there are any veteran/current teachers reading this, I would absolutely love any piece of advice you would be willing to give regarding classroom management, lesson planning, establishing a classroom culture, etc! Please and thank you!

Okay, so anyway, this past week was week one of Institute. When I rolled in to Atlanta on Sunday (shout out to J and V for being car buddies!), I wasn't really sure what to expect.

Since I'm a visual learner, here's a nifty picture of Atlanta as we approached the city.

We got to Georgia Tech, registered, and found our respective dorm/apartments and began settling in for the night. It was pretty obvious every one was nervous and anxious for what was to come the next day.

We would be going to the schools we will be teaching at for the next four weeks (week 1 is set up to be purely for instruction on how to be teachers, but all instruction is held at our school sites). The school I'm assigned to is called Carver High School, and is a part of APS (Atlanta Public Schools). I had no idea what to expect, so I went to bed Sunday night feeling all sorts of emotions: excitement, nerves, anxiety, fear, nausea, (insert other anticipatory emotions here).

The next day, I woke up at 4:45 am (I'll show you my Monday-Friday schedule later in this post, it's a tad crazy), and was feeling tired above all else. I'm not used to going to bed early and waking up early, but that's something I'll have to get used to haha :)

Drowsily, I threw on my professional attire and made my way out the door. Upon exiting the building, I was immediately hit by Georgia's humidity and attacked by many, many bugs of all varying shapes and sizes. One of the downfalls of being in the south is the plethora of bugs...they're everywhere!

I was greeted by loud, upbeat music and cheery CMA's (Corps Member Advisor) who said brightly, "Good morning!" I tried to respond with the same enthusiasm, but I think the first day I was anything but enthusiastic. We were ushered into the dining hall where we picked up our lunch boxes and proceeded to make our lunch selections (peanut butter and jelly, all the way!). Afterwards, we were ushered into another line to get breakfast for the day (bagels, all day, every day).

The school busses transporting all the CMs (Corps Members) leave at very specific times and if you aren't on the bus when it leaves, it won't come back for you, so it's super important to always make sure you are on the bus.

My bus doesn't leave until 6:15 and as I heavily climbed the steps of the Carver school bus, I was immediately thrown back to when I was a student and rode the bus to and from school every day. It's kind of funny how things tend to come full circle. It's also humbling because at the end of every day, although we are all teachers, we are all reliant on the bus to get us to and from school.

The ride itself wasn't anything spectacular, it was just a normal bus ride, but the whole time, I couldn't help but feel like I was infringing on something I shouldn't be a part of. It takes a ton of time, dedication, work, and resilience to be an educator and I tend to doubt my abilities more often than not. I know that there are so many people who would be such better teachers than me, and who are, and I feel like by going into the classroom, I'm pretending to be something I'm not. Wow, that was super angst-y! Haha!

I don't particularly feel that way any more, but it definitely is something that pops up from time to time. Also, I've realized that I'm missing New Orleans, which is something I didn't anticipate happening so soon! Atlanta isn't bad, but it's no NOLA, you know?

Here's a picture of a gorgeous building in the French Quarter, near the St. Louis Cathedral. There was an awesome street band playing jazz (spoiler, video below!) and the whole day was pretty much perfect.

Anyway, I've been talking for a long time, well, actually, you've been reading for a long time, so I'll stop for now.

I think I'm going to break this post up into two parts because there is so much to talk about (spoiler alert: I met my students two days ago, so expect that in the next post).

A HUGE SHOUT OUT TO: every one who has sent me inspiring messages via Facebook, text, or phone call. You know who you are :) So much love and support! I couldn't want anything else!


ENJOY these guys, they were phenomenal! And excuse the poor camera work, I'm not a professional (surprise!)

Pre- Induction Hiring/The First Day of Induction

Whew!

To say the past three days have been a whirlwind would be an understatement. It feels like I've been in New Orleans for an eternity instead of just a few days. 

I've had very little downtime and the moments that I've haven't had interviews or lesson prep, I've been working on my sample lesson, creating worksheets and assessments, and researching the schools interviewing me. 

And it's not even Institute yet... oh, boy... 

Interviews have been going okay, unfortunately I haven't been hired yet, which means that I will most likely move into the Institute hiring pool. The hiring managers are constantly reassuring me that it's going to be okay and plenty of people don't get hired until during or even after Institute, but despite their encouragement and reassurance, I can't help but feel down on myself and as if there is something wrong with me. 

I've had a total of 8 interviews the past three days and one sample teach, so it's been a pretty stressful beginning of the week, but God is good and He has shown me time and again that I need to put aside my prideful ways and humble myself. 

Something that has been brought to my attention recently by my wonderful boyfriend, we'll call him A so he doesn't get stalked or anything, is the reminder of God's promises and how it is assured to us that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. 

For a really long time, I always assumed (you know what happens when we do that) it meant all the good things, but in reality, it's everything. Yes, life is going to suck sometimes, but maybe it's for our good, and maybe it needs to suck and be rainy and miserable so that in a few days, you can have the sunniest, most comfortable week of your life. 

The past few days (months, actually) have been incredibly rainy and dreary (literally and figuratively), but it's okay, because all of the rain will not only teach me how to swim, but also bring about flowers and sunny days. I've been far too focused on myself lately and I think I've been letting slip the reason why I'm even here. 

It is a privilege to be educating someone's child and I need to remember this. The perfect school will come along, I'm confident of that, no matter how discouraging things may turn out this week. I just need to keep looking up! 

Like I said before, when I wasn't interviewing, I was mingling with other corps members and building relationships with the people I will be spending the next 5 weeks with in Atlanta. 

This year, TFA is really focusing on the idea that "we are stronger together." Although we may come from all different walks of life, we are united with the same goal and passion: to educate children and to give all children the education they deserve. Yes, the days will be long and the nights (too) short, but it is always worth it, and it will be the friendships we build through this experience that will help us get through the hard and stressful times.

Thanks for reading! Sorry if this post wasn't terribly exciting, I'm running on little sleep and energy because the lack of vegetarian options at reception dinners is disturbing (isn't New Orleans supposed to have awesome food??)

Just to try something out: in the comment box below, or if you want to email me or Facebook message me you could do that too, BUT tell me about a time you faced disappointment or had to deal with things not going your way. What did you do? What happened? 

Shout out to A, for driving over 5 hours in one day just to pick me up and take me to the airport, and also to his parents for graciously allowing me to stay with them so I wouldn't have to sleep in the airport. Shout out to the many people who have been sending me encouraging messages via text or Facebook, you are all wonderful and I appreciate you so much :)

The First Post: Why I'm Starting This

I've always had a passion for writing and storytelling.

I think there is something beautiful and maybe even vulnerable in the way authors go from brainstorming various ideas to conceptualizing and creating a story. Their stories are their babies, objects of affection they have worked on for hours, days, months, even years, and they take their creations seriously.

The purpose of this blog is something a little different. This blog will tell a story, but it will tell a rather long and drawn out story and I have no idea how it will end. Honestly, I have no idea how it will begin either.

I'm writing to document my experience with Teach for America in New Orleans. I'm writing for myself, my sanity, and those whom I have come to love deeply over the past four years of my collegiate career. Basically, my life is going to start moving at warp speed within the next few days and subsequent two years.

Maintaining this blog is going to be my way of working through many upcoming adventures, from Institute to the first day in my classroom and beyond. It will also be a chance for friends and family to keep track of me if they choose to do so. They can make sure I'm not in jail or something like that.

Because I'm a storyteller though, I can almost guarantee you that some things may be slightly (take that how you want to) embellished. That's just the way I am. I'm not overly dramatic in real life, but when it comes to writing, I tend to get a little carried away sometimes. Just ask my mom, I used to come home from half- day kindergarten (because that existed in the 90's) and tell her we went on outlandish field trips to places hours and hours away.

Anyway, I hope I haven't scared you away already (whoever you are), but I if I did, sorry! Thanks for reading my first post EVER and I will see you soon.